it’s weird what happens when you break up with someone. everyone has something to say. they ask you how you are. they make you tell the details. they ask your friends. they mention they saw the breakup on facebook. i am so detailed out. i just want it gone. and it hasn’t even been a week.
through the recent years of my life, i have been told that i am too good for any man. never, on any circumstance, has anyone told me what was too good for me– if they did, i wouldn’t believe it. because deep down in my core, i’m not that insecure. in fact, i believe there are not a lot of people out there, better than me.
someone told me that catherine zeta jones was beautiful, and i thought, well, with age, i’ll end up a little more attractive.
i don’t think i’m a phenomenal writer or artist, but i think i’m better than most people. i don’t think i’m particularly honest, vulnerable, or trusting, but i’ve got it when it counts.
some people have told me that i’m too smart for mankind. and some have told me that i’m too shallow. some men have never given me the chance, and some i’ve never given the chance. men will tell me that i will be alone forever. others have told me i will find it, and i will be in love forever. some men think i’m crazy and that’s it. some men think i’m amazing, and i that deserve better. some men think they can give it to me, other men, know they can’t. those men run away before i can see their downfall. i always see it though, no can give me everything i need. i just get sick of being without a hand to hold, so i take it.
the thing that i don’t understand about males, is that somehow, a man will make you believe that all problems are your fault, and then, make you feel as though you owe them an apology. whether or not it was your heart, or theirs that was broken. and you give them that apology. because you just want whatever happened to be over. so you can be free. and file that man under another man, that couldn’t say he was sorry.
so now, freely, you can walk down michigan avenue with your long coat on, high heels, and expensive scarf, having all sorts of epiphany moments, to a soundtrack of sigur ros. and hey, it’s christmas, so you want to make sure you can enjoy your independent moments, people watching– you wanna laugh at the couples you know won’t last. because you know they won’t. no one should be that lucky.
so for now i think about those bastards i’ve dated. all different. i’ve probably dated every kind of bastard. the self-centered, the logical, the sweet, the success-driven, the intelligent. i’ve dated the best of the best, because after all, my standards are high. and even though, you are laughing, because you know i’ve dated shit heads, retards, and egomaniacs, they have all had one thing in common: they had potential. and each one was so different than the next, i figured, this one has got to be better.
they never are. they are just different.
so will i give up? for now. because i am not capable of giving the same old shit my heart again. just so that they can make excuses. and then want to be friends. because maybe i’m too wonderful to leave, but too ridiculous to date.
and this one’s for you: i hope you think i’m crazy. because then you’ll run far, and i will be free of all the backwards logic for awhile.
and i will put on my pretty coat. and sing you my favorite songs. and fuck it all for awhile. i’m happier in the place where love doesn’t have to have an expiration date.