…but we sure killed all the pain.

Let’s get fucked up and die.
 

I’m funny. I laugh a lot. I have a good expensive smile. And I talk to anyone who talks to me. I’m pretty good at the fake thing. I love creating drama and watching everyone freak out. I kiss ass. I never clean my room. Romance is stupid. I think feet are sexy. And I absolutely love taking my picture with other people’s digital cameras.

I’ve never had a boyfriend. some people who care ask why… There is no reason for it really. It just never happened. I’m only twenty-one, so I know I’m pretty dramatic about the whole thing. But I have become too codependent on myself. and now i am bitter. Most likely if I show interest in you, it means that I would rather just kiss you than put in any effort into something more. Chances are, I doubt your intentions.

I smoke cigarettes. Partly because I think they are disgusting. And the more disgusting you think I am, the less I will let you down… And partly because I am addicted to nicotine.

I hate people. But I love them too. This sucks when it comes to having friends. I get confused on whether or not I want them. I love Starbucks more than anything. The feelings I get when I walk into one are indescribable. It’s like the home I never had. I’d work there, but I’m sure it would ruin the only safe place I have left.

I dye my hair a lot. I do it because I get bored easily with myself. A guy told me that I did it for attention. I agreed with him for the sake of making him feel like he figured me out and that he was smart. I’m such a nice pushover like that. I don’t really care what people believe about anything. So don’t try to debate me. You’ll win. Because I will stop caring. And stop debating. And then I’ll probably think judgmental thoughts about you.

I’m pretty complex. Thats not something to get excited about. I scare the shit out of myself. I never agree with anything I have to say. I like music. Most kinds. Not the sucky kinds. I hate silence. It freaks me out. I must have serious issues with being alone.

I stay up late even when there is no reason to. I drink an embarrassing amount of water at resturants. I like watching the Bears play football. I like it better when they are winning. I take special care of my hobbit feet. I get scared easily. And have an annoying scream. You can count on me to never call you back. And I look like shit in the morning. 

 The moral? I am bitter, numb and angry.

 Two points for honesty.
 

“Lua” Bright Eyes 

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor’s West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they’ll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I’ll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I’m not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won’t exist

You’re looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you’ll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you’ve got it bad
But what’s so easy in the evening by the morning’s such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I’m not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It’s not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is

It was so simple in the moonlight now it’s so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight…

I can stay safe in pretend.