so ask me. take me to coffee. ask me the question on your heart. the quesion that you need the answer to. that you want to know so bad. and don’t pretend that if you could, you’d bleed for me. because i know that the only blood spilled for me that night was that of a bloody nose and blood stained hands. and my soul looked black in the night.
and your soul looked black all year.
don’t try to fix whats not broken. don’t hold me. don’t ask to be with me. you don’t want it. you never wanted it before, so now why? and this is what i take from you. your horrid gaze fixed upon my truth as if it were a lie. the rhetorical questions that you have to get out. that mean more to you than me. and let me tell you, i’ve learned one thing this year, and that is that you need to know nothing. unless i care. and i don’t care about you.
i did. i did when you shot me down. and i did. when you said you didn’t hate me. and i did. when you asked me if we were still cool. and i did. when i thought that maybe by holding onto the past, my future could be saved. but no. and i ran away. but i did not change who i was. and i figured out that i loved no one. except myself.
and if this is your question. you want to ask me to hurt me. or tell me your feelings. i don’t care. i don’t care that you were so frusturated with me. or that you were confused. i don’t care. because i was more frusturated than you. i was angry. i was more confused than you. i was fucked.
forgive my lack of propriety when i say that.
i don’t like you. i don’t have to. i don’t love you. because you don’t deserve it. so go on. ask me your questions. send me a survey in the mail. i will give you the answer you want. make you feel better about yourself. hold you close to me. it’s okay baby, i understand that you were so hurt by me. because i am liar. and i just wanted attention. and i just wanted to watch my whole life disapear. i like creating drama. it’s what i live for. and i am so fucking sorry.
fuck you.
ask me another question and i will tell you. i am so sick of words i could die.
if you want to see me, i will be gone. because i won’t spend new years with you. because i don’t repeat the same things twice.
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December 23, 2006 at 2:20 am
Zoe O'Hara
It’s been a long time since I’ve commented you on your writing. I’m glad to be back so I can read, comment, write and know your through what you say rather than others’ dumb comments. jkjk. Kinda. Anyways, this is lovely as always. So I joined wordpress, but you still haven’t quit myspace. I doubt that you will, but it’ll be okay, though without Jacey and I, there’s really no reason to have it. We bring all the quality, it’s true. As far as the other people go, well if you don’t see them, there are still phones, email, texting, telegrams, messenger services, mind communication. Myspace isn’t that special.
But you are. And I, am corny.
Love,
Zoe.