i remember her face as she sat watching her reflection in the tv. she sat, her legs to short to reach the edge of the couch. she sat there while her cousins were watching peter pan. she sat waiting. her eyes focused so that no one would know that she was not interested in cartoons. she sat waiting for a hug. waiting for her daddy to notice her. for her mom to drop the worries of life and pick her up and hold her for a second. waiting to be told that she was beauty in its purest form.

and i remember how she cried inside. i remember how she felt as if she was nothing. that life would go one without her. her sister begged. her sister was noticed. and because her brother was nice. her brother was rewarded. and she would be told that she was vain. because it did not go on unnoticed that her reflection was more interesting than disney movies to her. that she liked to see her face in the tv. that she wondered if she was pretty.

i remember when she was told that she was liked for the first time. and she didn’t understand how someone could like her that did not know her. so she turned him down. then someone liked her but not enough. he dated someone else. and she felt worthless. someone wanted her to wait. and she did. and wasted her life. cause she thought that was what she deserved. to wait, instead of being waited for.

i remember this little girl. this girl who wanted life to be something special. that knew she was someone. and wondered if anyone else could tell. and she screamed inside. and stayed quiet on the outside. and cried at all the wrong moments. and is now the same little girl that she was 15 years ago. just a little bigger. just a little sadder. slouches just a little bit more. and wonders when it will end. what? she doesn’t know.