she moves out the door slowly, as if time is running past her and the inability for her to keep up only makes her want to slow down even more. she lights her cigarette. wonders why it does not light, then allows him to do it for her.

“thank you” she says, “you didn’t have to do that.”
“anything for you.”

and she smiles. and he smiles. and she shivers, so he offers her his coat. she wonders what it would be like to feel his arms around her the way his coat is draped over her shoulders. and she wonders if he is for real, or just a dream.

she looks down at her cigarette. it is burning slower then expected, and she can’t understand why her head is not comprehending anything. and she can’t comprehend why she can’t understand anything. and she see’s a pretty girl walk outside. a girl who is incomparable to her. yet she compares herself anyway. because this girl might be with him. she might be the one he wants. and in that case the love affair that took place in her mind is over, and she might as well sleep on the couch tonight. she wouldn’t want to get in the way.

her heart is racing fast. but her eyes are moving slower. and slower. and her cigarette is still burning. she stares at it to make sure that it is, in fact, still burning. she sees it burn, but there is no way to make it go faster. she cannot think of a way to make it go away so that she can go inside, and give him back his coat. because she does not want it, if he does not want her.

she stands still. and her heart just laughs. so she laughs in turn. and she can feel his eyes on her. and she cannot stop laughing, because if she were to, she might cry. and she wonders why he would do this to her. lead her on like this. and then she reminds herself that a simple glance her way, is not a pick up line. and she stands back. and looks around. and finds her car and wonders how long it would take her to walk there.

but she does not want to leave. she wants him to ask her to stay. but she is afraid that he would not want her too. she is afraid that if he did, he might use her for the night and never call. she is afraid that he is like any other. but she wants to find out for sure.

she looks down at her cigarette. time will tell her that it has only been five minutes, but maybe it is cold and she should go inside to get warm.

and she looks at his smile. and it is beautiful. and she looks at the gleam in his eye. and it is beautiful. and she stares for hours. but her reality tells her it is only a second. and she wants to know what it would look like, if someone like that found her to be someone like that.