i wasted two hours of my life reading the newspaper today. it was strange. it made me feel like i was out of touch. i haven’t read the newspaper in probably, ever.

i didn’t realize that 1/3 of our nation was really that obese. it’s an epidemic. so now i am going to make sure that all the fatties lose weight. after reading the news, i feel so inclined to do so. watch me change the world.

fatties get off your couch! lose some pounds! lets make france stop laughing at us. let us all be skinnier then the world, so that africa will stop complaining about not having any food. let us diet. together. let us change america.

reading i also found that iran may or may not have a nuclear bomb. this being the cover page. thats like the guy at steak and shake saying, “i may or may not have a tumor growing out of my head. if i do, i’m dead, if it’s just extra head, then i am saved.” sweet.

this is what i know to be true. i do not swing my views one way or another, because everyone else shoves their own agenda down my throat, and i do not care to read into others persuasion. but since i read the paper today, and i learned some things, and made observations that are sure to change YOUR minds. i will share them with you.

war what is it good for? nothing. unless someone killed my sister. then i’d burn the world down.

stem cell research? first you have to kill babies. i think fetus’s look like shrimp. therefore, i will not eat shrimp. thats me.

obese america? let’s get anorexic together.

africa? i gave money to the cause. what the cause is? i read books on it, still, i have no real idea. do i think africa is more important than america? no. because i don’t live there.

nasdaq? nyse? wrigley’s stock has gone up. which is great for the gum chewer investers. abercrombie and fitch has gone down. go figure. when america is getting so fat, you think that they are going to spend money on expensive clothes with sizes that run small?

billboard charts? “this is why i’m hot” is in the top 10 of the top 40. and to think, 3 months ago when my best friend accidently downloaded that song as my ringtone i was so embarrassed. now my pride is completely gone.

entertainment? nc-17 only means that children are not permitted. i always thought it was used on softcore porn. it makes me wonder then why movies like “saw” and “hostel” would only be rated “R” when what parent in their right mind would actually escort their 8 year old to go see the movie? but money is money, and i guess ratings make movie’s lose money. i mean, i almost didn’t see “the princess diaries” cause it was rated “G”. man, would i have missed out.

internet? emails can get misconstruded. so you should not use them as a cop out from real face to face communication. really? i had no idea. but there’s this book that i can read. i read all about it.

the news to me, is really bogus. i’d hate to be a journalist. “hey alyssa, i want you to go research the difference between how advertisers advertise in this day and age as opposed to last year.” yeah, who the fuck cares about half the stuff crammed in a daily paper? you care because you want to sound educated.

i didn’t want to feel educated so i came home and went on myspace for a few hours.

the girls with the ugly faces only take pictures of their eyes. “look how pretty i am” they say. “i look good on myspace.” this isn’t a new observation. it’s been this way for awhile. and i’d feel bad for them, but sometimes i’d like my eyes to be the only thing in pictures too.

if my chest was bigger i’d dress sluttier. but it’s not, so there is no reason.