you humored me today. calling me out- to humble me.
i was trying to hold myself up so that you wouldn’t crumble me.
i can’t get mad. so i grow weary.
i don’t get mad- only so you don’t hear me.
(i used to cry. use tears to get my way.
i used to let them see me. it was a game i liked to play.)

and i’ve got friends.
they hate you.
i’ve got plans.
they don’t include you.
but i love you.
like no one else does.
i just wish you knew me.
the way i was.

you tortured me today. holding out a picture of a brighter face.
you gained momentum to help you win this power race.
i blame my dad. he never loved me.
i blame my mom. she forgot to tell me.
(i used to smile. brighten up everyone’s day.
i used to dance in my room. til hours past my way.)

and i’ve got dreams.
they’re beautiful.
i’ve got reasons.
you never have to know.
but i love you.
like no one else does.
i just wish you knew me.
the way i was.

before he shamed me. it’s seemed to be an endless fall.
not his fault that i lost so much, but it was his call.
i blame him. for my troubled past.
i blame myself. that i let it last.
(i used to fly. on clouds of fairy dust and golden hay.
i read for hours. to get deep inside an older day.)

now your here.
walking tall.
obsessed with me.
and my shameless crawl.
i know you love me.
like no one else does.

i just wish you knew me.
the way i used to be.