harper is a weird place. i’ve been freely using the internet for an hour now. i almost drove home, then decided to just waste time screwing around on this computer… wasting time. yes. there should be a starbucks here. i’d love that. oh em gee. wouldn’t that be awesome.

there are black platforms in the student center with ugly couches on them. i don’t really get why ugly couches deserve platforms. it’s like skinny chicks with ugly faces. don’t bother wearing stilletos. you’re still a dog.

do you know how many eighteen year old, armani clad patel’s checked me out today? i can’t even count. they travel with their entourages, and i am lucky to get by unscathed.

(i just used a word in a sentence that i don’t know the accurate definition for. ha. go me. i’m gonna google it, hold on…)
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unscathed

Main Entry:

un·scathed

Pronunciation:

\-ˈskāthd\

Function:

adjective

Date:

14th century

: wholly unharmed : not injured
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sweet. i’m awesome. it means exactly what i wanted it to mean.

so i don’t really think sarah silverman is that funny… but since i was bored, i think that THIS is pretty funny:

“Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I’m one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.”

“[talking about her niece] She called me up and she’s like, “Aunt Sarah, did you know that Hitler killed sixty million Jews.” And I corrected her and I said, “You know, I think he’s responsible for killing six million Jews.” And she said, “Oh yeah! Six million! I knew that but seriously, I mean, what’s the difference?” “Uh, the difference is sixty million is unforgivable, young lady!”"

“The best time to have a baby is when you’re a black teenager.”

“I don’t care if you think I’m racist. I just want you to think I’m thin.”

“Who cares? Different religions. I guess the only time it’s an issue I suppose would be if you’re having a baby, you have to figure out how you want to raise your baby or whatever, which still would not be an issue for us. Because you know, we’d just be honest, and say “Mommy is one of the chosen people, and Daddy believes that Jesus is magic.”"

“I love you more than bears love honey.
I love you more than Jews love money.
I love you more than Asians are good at math.
I love you even if it’s not hip.
I love you more than black people don’t tip.
I love you more than Puerto Ricans need baths…”

“You got it, doll, I was curious to see which Courtney Love was going to show up: the smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore or the violent smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore.”

“You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That’s what I tell Asian people all the time.”

i’m gonna go buy starbucks now.