who drinks that anyway? i do, when i can’t find diet coke.
at harper, there are pepsi machines lining the walls. but to find diet coke, you must go on a hunt. i am so glad to be done with school.
this semester was disgusting.
do you ever spend days wondering if there is god? like devoting your mind to the concept of deity? if you haven’t thought about it, do you feel guilty for not thinking of it?
sometimes i wish i hadn’t devoted my entire life to church. maybe then i’d feel like searching for god was more of an exciting adventure than just something i always did, and eventually decided not to do.
really there is no spark there. just guilt. guilt for the things i do, and the things i am, and the things i want to do. somehow i have found that by giving up on a god, i have felt better about who i am. i may have no purpose, no drive, no love, but i never had those anyway.
now, i don’t have people telling me i’m a rebel, when the majority of the world thinks i’m a saint. i still have my demons to face, but i don’t have a million people in front of me telling me how to face them.
thinking about god, makes me think about good, god-fearing people. and i hate most of them. fucking uptight, pharisees afraid to admit their faults, because they don’t need another sin to confess to jesus before they fall asleep. so they just expect the best of others, and judge those who fall short.
i really wonder why anyone would want to be friends with my old friends. personality-less, fame-seeking, bible-thumping whores. and when they die and go to heaven, i hope they get their medals for all the lives they hurt, the esteems they lowered, and the minds they fucked with.
dear god, if there is a god, why are all your followers worse than those who deny you?
i believe in god. but it’s been over three years, and still haven’t gained back any respect for his people.
wow. i wonder where all that came from.
i like this