Category Archive

if you sleep in til after your hangover is gone, you feel much better the rest of the day. and don’t worry about missing out by sleeping til four. the day didn’t miss out on you, you sad, pathetic alcoholic.

i’m not a democrat or a republican, conservative or liberal. raise taxes, i don’t care. i’m just not voting for barack obama because he’s black.

i don’t want to sound racist, but john mccain used to be a pretty hot white boy.

i’d rather be dead then fat. so i guess you could say that i’d rather look at dead people then fat people. call me hitler.

i also despise really skinny framed girls with love handles. i also despise my proportioned incorrectly body. go figure.

i think it would be more beneficial for me to take all my earnings, and everyone else’s, and throw it in the ocean, as some sort of titanic style ending to the downfall of the economy, then to let mexico have it.

all men are gay, but i didn’t mean gay as in homosexual, i meant gay as in retarded.

i’m going to “take a shower” with the rest of my fat friends now.

i think i need my head checked.

all of life is painful. i wish i could look at it and move on. i have a problem with justice. i think the evil ones should be prosecuted for their evilness. i think illegal aliens should be deported. i don’t care where their from. i think sex offenders should have to wear signs around their neck that say, ‘keep back. i had sex with a twelve year old,” or whatever their respected crime was. i’m not much of an individualist. more of a social cleanser. call me hitler. but i have a method for my madness.

kill all the human race.

we are all criminals. we should probably all be prosecuted. i have an unpaid parking ticket, and i made out with a couple guys that were in serious relationships. two years ago i didn’t do my taxes at all. take me away.

one day, we’ll all be seen for what we are. so if we’re all gonna find out eventually, i don’t mind showing you what i am, or what others are now. i guess thats why i am so bad with secrets. we all suck. if we could just be a little bit more honest, maybe we’d all gain a little bit more self-confidence.

i hate everyone running for president. i think obama sucks the most, because he talks like tom brady after he wins another football game. (props to rosey).

“the economy is bad and needs a change. i think we just need to go out there and change it. and thats what i’m gonna set out there and do. change it. like i’ve planned.”

i’ve been told i look exactly like princess caroline. her husband is ugly.

“…when all your love is gone, who will save me from all i’m up against now in this world?”

i’ve been cleaning up my itunes for three straight days now. we have some illegally downloaded songs on there that don’t make any sense whatsoever. and when i say we, i mean, me and jane. i feel like she goes on there every day and duplicates a file, whether she needs to or not. it’s a mess, and since i had all this extra time considering school was cancelled, and i decided against work, and i got too drunk to function on tuesday, i thought i’d tackle this task. now ask me, do i feel good?

yeah, i do.

a little relief is going through my body right now. i deleted all the shitty music, and rescued the right duplicate files from being terminated. oh yes- i’ve also listened to some music that i haven’t heard in awhile, and for some reason that just does it for me.

i wish my itunes downloaded cd’s a little faster.

i went to jimmy johns today. now they make your sandwiches fast!!!!!!!!!!! omg. like yeah. totally.

i have no deep thoughts and absolutely nothing interesting to say. i probably should have opted against sharing all that with the internet.

the good.

me and my best friend have a strained relationship these days. you possibly ask why? well, she is sublimely happy and i am not. she and i have never lead the same lives, but we have lead parallel existences. they both have sucked. together as people, we have never seen good. we have never seen love. we have never been happy for longer than an hour.

what used to make us happy? running. playing beer pong. kissing boys. going to concerts. eating out. driving. but these are things that last an hour. then you have to reminisce. which don’t make no one happy.

so i am happy for her good. happy for her lovely life and her new found funny vocabulary that includes phrases like, “goodnight sweetheart,” and “i love you, okay baby? i love you.” sometimes when i hear these strange sentences come out of her mouth, i make barfing sounds and actions, because i am five years old.

luckily i have a good friend who doesn’t hate me because i am still stuck in the bad and am immature because of it.

i’m not saying here that no relationship = bad life, there are a lot of other things that come into good, and she has them. college education. financial security. travel opputunities. all at twenty-one years. i am happy for her, though being happy for someone never makes you happy. it makes you want to feel sorry for yourself.

the bad.

my dad called me today (mind you, i have been sober for a week) and asks me what i’m doing. i say eating. he then goes, “so you aren’t sick from alcohol cause you’re not slurring your words, but you are stuffing your mouth, so you probably have the munchies from smoking too much dope.”

okay then.

i do drink a lot. but to say that not drinking this week was hard, would be a lie. i’ve had no desire to get drunk. but that just makes me look like an alcoholic, because i’m trying to prove my soberness. do i smoke weed? i have. i don’t, because i don’t “do drugs.” but i do have long hair and i laugh a lot, so you know… i’m probably on something at all times.

i had a week off work and i have no money. i’m hungry right now. it’s 2:30 in the morning. i must be high.

i’m nervous. because i have to go to school soon. i hate school. that’s why i don’t go. i seem to have forgot that part when i enrolled. someone should have shot me in the face with that information. but the thing is, people never liked that i wasn’t in school, so when i made up my mind to go, EVERYONE was for it. i wish people loved me enough to tell me to keep waitressing.

the ugly.

no eyebrows. googly eyes. big teeth. every person that i have despised has had those main features. i am not that shallow. i’ve hated their personalities first. they just happen to be ugly, which is their own problem.

you’ve got your feet buried in the sand, and they wonder when you’ll let them run free.  but they don’t talk, so you guess they must not really care.  they’re your feet afterall.  not important in the scheme of things.

i feel like your feet.

i’m stuck. i’ve got nothing. i’ve got no go ahead. i’ve got no good memories. i am alone. and how i hate you for taking away the one good thing i’ve got going on. how i blame you for my own actions. how i wish i never met you. i am nothing because i wanted something that wasn’t put there for me to take.

it felt good to be adored.
it was hard to hear, “i’m sorry.”
it is freedom not to choose.

i must be a fool.
but at least i’m an honest fool.

i wasted two hours of my life reading the newspaper today. it was strange. it made me feel like i was out of touch. i haven’t read the newspaper in probably, ever.

i didn’t realize that 1/3 of our nation was really that obese. it’s an epidemic. so now i am going to make sure that all the fatties lose weight. after reading the news, i feel so inclined to do so. watch me change the world.

fatties get off your couch! lose some pounds! lets make france stop laughing at us. let us all be skinnier then the world, so that africa will stop complaining about not having any food. let us diet. together. let us change america.

reading i also found that iran may or may not have a nuclear bomb. this being the cover page. thats like the guy at steak and shake saying, “i may or may not have a tumor growing out of my head. if i do, i’m dead, if it’s just extra head, then i am saved.” sweet.

this is what i know to be true. i do not swing my views one way or another, because everyone else shoves their own agenda down my throat, and i do not care to read into others persuasion. but since i read the paper today, and i learned some things, and made observations that are sure to change YOUR minds. i will share them with you.

war what is it good for? nothing. unless someone killed my sister. then i’d burn the world down.

stem cell research? first you have to kill babies. i think fetus’s look like shrimp. therefore, i will not eat shrimp. thats me.

obese america? let’s get anorexic together.

africa? i gave money to the cause. what the cause is? i read books on it, still, i have no real idea. do i think africa is more important than america? no. because i don’t live there.

nasdaq? nyse? wrigley’s stock has gone up. which is great for the gum chewer investers. abercrombie and fitch has gone down. go figure. when america is getting so fat, you think that they are going to spend money on expensive clothes with sizes that run small?

billboard charts? “this is why i’m hot” is in the top 10 of the top 40. and to think, 3 months ago when my best friend accidently downloaded that song as my ringtone i was so embarrassed. now my pride is completely gone.

entertainment? nc-17 only means that children are not permitted. i always thought it was used on softcore porn. it makes me wonder then why movies like “saw” and “hostel” would only be rated “R” when what parent in their right mind would actually escort their 8 year old to go see the movie? but money is money, and i guess ratings make movie’s lose money. i mean, i almost didn’t see “the princess diaries” cause it was rated “G”. man, would i have missed out.

internet? emails can get misconstruded. so you should not use them as a cop out from real face to face communication. really? i had no idea. but there’s this book that i can read. i read all about it.

the news to me, is really bogus. i’d hate to be a journalist. “hey alyssa, i want you to go research the difference between how advertisers advertise in this day and age as opposed to last year.” yeah, who the fuck cares about half the stuff crammed in a daily paper? you care because you want to sound educated.

i didn’t want to feel educated so i came home and went on myspace for a few hours.

the girls with the ugly faces only take pictures of their eyes. “look how pretty i am” they say. “i look good on myspace.” this isn’t a new observation. it’s been this way for awhile. and i’d feel bad for them, but sometimes i’d like my eyes to be the only thing in pictures too.

if my chest was bigger i’d dress sluttier. but it’s not, so there is no reason.