Category Archive

i’ve got my khaki, boyfriend pants from the gap on. they are so last spring, but i am an enviromentalist. reduce, reuse, recycle. i wish i could reduce, but i still weigh about 150 at all times.

i’m also wearing a black shirt from forever 21. they endorse slave labor, and proudly stamp “john 3:16″ on the bottom of all their bags. i slave you in the name of jesus. and i buy you in the name of seven dollars and ninety-nine cents.

i’m not really an environmentalist.

when i was quite younger than i am now, my parents informed their friends, that i, the prodigy child, was destined for one of the respected professions. (i.e. doctor, lawyer, teacher, or spiritual leader.) but quickly learned that i was not going to be a doctor, due to the fact that i’ve never brought home a sick animal, and i used to take pleasure in torturing ants. i just thought that it was incredible how you could step on an ant, and it wouldn’t die. it would heal itself so fast. so i would try killing it slowly, to see what the ratio of torture to auto-healing it needed to actually survive. a lot of times they died on me. i always felt the need to put it out of it’s misery.

i asked my mom if ants had feelings, and she told me no. so you know. if they don’t cry, why should i?

i’m not a serial killer. i’m just not the type to cry harder when they kill the horse in a movie, then the human riding it. if you can catch what i’m saying.

and now for something completely different.

i want to tell you a little something about robbie. he had a bowl cut, parted in the center, was about 5′1″ and weighed approx. ninety lbs. in fifth grade he sat behind me… i loved him. on valentines day, i received a valentine from everyone except robbie. and i was the only one that robbie didn’t send love too. i was devastated. i hate valentines day.

last year i worked valentines day in my resturant, when this horrible man came in with his barely legal girlfriend. they sat in my section. i didn’t serve them, another woman did for me, but he was still right there, and he stared at me all night. then, things got worse when his poor, borderline-retarded girlfriend, looked at me with a sadistic smile and laughed. i had a panic attack in the middle of the resturant, but was urged to keep on working despite it. “push through it alyssa, push through it, they’ll be gone in fourty-five minutes to an hour.”

some people who do horrible things to others can enjoy themselves at my expense on a stupid holiday, and i am left to be reduced to nothing, once again. i hate valentine’s day.

but after the stupid holiday, which also happens to be my grandpa’s birthday, life is good. everyone breaks up, the snow melts and i you know what that means? day drinking. i just laughed out loud. summer is for day drinking, is something another love of my life used to say. sorry, you don’t have to get it.

lets stop here for a second and talk about my grandpa. he is gone now, sometimes i think i see him- in my car he is the man driving next to me. when walking around outside at night, he is there, then he is gone. i’ve always felt that he was the only person who unconditionally believed in me. even when my grades dropped and my parents stopped bragging about me. he used to tell me that i was going to be the ceo of coca-cola. he said, i had it all, brains, looks and talent. i always quietly wondered why he drank pepsi and not coke, but i never did ask him. he told me i was a swing. i think that meant i was beautiful.

my grandpa was never the best father to his daughter, but he was all i needed as a grandpa. and i might just love valentines day for the fact that in the past it has meant unconditional love. not easy, mindless, superficial love like love notes that i’ve never recieved or the kind rapists give their underage girlfriends. but real love.

what a nice thought.

“Would you believe me if i told you
That i’m surfacing for just one thieving moment
To steal your heart

Would you believe me if i told you
That fairy tales come true
When i’m with you
I’ll free the one who falls in love again

Come on and hold you like candy on a friday after
Making love all year
And now we’re swimming down where
Iron doors are open
And there is too much fear to breathe

A girl, a boy, a hell. like thieves we are..

All in love
With stolen hearts
And we all fall down
And fall apart for love

Dance?! alright!
But i’m giving it one last fight
I fancy not your night
I’m not your girl, your whore, your hell
But thieves, we are

All in love
With stolen hearts
And we all fall down
And fall apart for love”
–lovedrug